Me and my life

November 27th is the Maaveerar Day or Heroes' Day observed by Tamil people to remember the militants died in fighting to ensure the dignity and the rights of the Tamils living in this island. This day in the post war Sri Lanka brings a nostalgic feeling and I feel very difficult to swallow this reality. The reality I mean is where the cemeteries of the militants were destroyed by the government and the government is on active surveillance to prevent people observing this remembrance day. As Tamils living in this island, we started to fight for our dignity but after the war we have lost our right to remember the dead/ fallen under this  government. The chronicles say King Dutugemunu built a tomb for the ashes of Ellara and made people to pay respect to this tomb but this government has gone to a new low by destroying the cemeteries of the LTTE militants and banning the remembrance. To them the militants may be terrorists who killed innocent lives but prohibiting the people to

Recent events, have made me realize the things for which I was criticized when I was 10 are the same things for which I am being criticized now. The responses I had towards those criticism are stonewalling or hatred or laughing it off. At the time of criticism, I thought the responses were appropriate. But when I look in retrospective, I kind of doubt myself whether I really have some problems and I have been defending those problems rather than trying to correct them. But still the way I was criticized for the particular thing was exactly the same way I was criticized when I was 10 years. The astonishing thing is that even after 13 years, I have not been able to get rid of those critics in my life and even when I go to a new place, those critics appear in different persons. So, this is to all the critics, trying to change me, pull me down, you are warned.

After watching a movie, a question came to my mind. I have watched movies and am astonished by the brilliance of them. So the question that I am having now, is which is greater the creator or the creation? When a director, creates a movie he tries to make a perfect movie as he perceives. So according to his thought, the movie is perfect object/being. But as we all know that the director is not perfect but he created something perfect as he perceives. So movie should be greater. But the movie will not be there if the director was not there, so director should be greater. So now I am caught in a loop hole argument from which I can't come out.

You will never see it, the fire burning in me Nor me lurking in the dark shadows, hiding and watching you, Nor the point of the hidden knife pointed right at you. I may act your ally, friend, companion But all the time I will be plotting, waiting,  praying For that moment to let the fire out. The fire created by the scars you gave me Which I hid under the smiles and laughter Oh well! I hid them giving no clue at all  But the writhing pain they give me Gives the fuel to the fire burning inside me. There is no rights and wrongs It is just needs to come out or I will burn from inside out Until I am not there anymore I wish I could stop it all, But nothing can be done except to let it out.

In the Facebook, I see many of my friends have changed their profile picture to "Stand Against Racism" regarding the incident in Aluthgama. But in my opinion I would say it is too late. Human mind does not work like that. From the prehistoric times (Cro-Magnon against Neanderthals) to uncountable examples from known history (Hitler against Jews, Apartheid in South Africa, Whites against Negroes), I can confidently say that the human mind is programmed to racism. It might have played a protective role in wild humans the enmity towards dissimilar organisms improved his survival. Racism was there even before humanity was there in humans. So coming to other topic, what makes us humans? The humanity in us. Do we have humanity in us? I believe everyone have it in their hearts buried deep in a corner. It tries to come out of hiding but it rarely manages to do so and we see them as acts of kindness in the world outside. But the power of those random acts of kindness is immensible.

I start writing some random sentences that comes to my mind but I struggle to get the next sentences out and whatever that comes feels like it does not match and I hit the backspace. So rather than completing them I though why not publish them as it is and see what happens. So these are just start/middle/endings of several poems. "We are haunted by our past We are haunted by what could have been" "I am afraid to go in front of a mirror Of what I will see in it A shy boy, with those dreamy eyes An adolescent trying to figure it out An adult regretting his past Or a monster greedy with ambitions" "I built a wall so strong, so thick, Spanning from the fiery hell below to starry heavens above Protecting me from getting hurt Without knowing I am imprisoned inside it" "We are bound by the shackles of so called freedom A state of mind that we are free to do anything" "We just drifted apart, it was no one's fault." "Everyd

Health Camp organized by Medical Students' Hindu Society of our faculty was held on 24th and 25th of this month at Kahawatta Tamil Maha Vidayalyam, Ratnapura. It is my 5th medical camp, in the faculty starting from Mannar, Poonakari, Udappu, Deniyaya. As usual I was assigned to vision care. The first day was for screening of school children which was done by medical students and second day was for the public and referred school children done by doctors. It was crowded from the start till the end. Why do we have to do a free health camp in a country where a health care up to tertiary care is free. Even when government has decentralized the health care, with each province having its own general hospital with specialists. What amazes me is that people come with chronic problems and want to sort it out in one day, but all we do in the camp for them is to refer them to the hospitals. So where is the problem? It is either people are unaware of how to access health care or they are misg

I follow the same routine everyday, from the moment I get up until I close my eyes. To change even a small thing I have to think it over and over again several times before doing it. What am I afraid of? I guess it is uncertainty. Uncertainty of how a new food item you have never tasted before would taste like keeps you from ever ordering that food item. You just buy the same old food item and go to same old restaurants even though a new restaurant is nearby you are afraid to go to it. So I am being boxed into a very tight space due to my fear of uncertainty. I think it is my worse fear. Uncertainty of the future brings me creepy nightmares. The worst is when you have to decide something about your future like your career and you are presented with many choices. Then we look up to others to make our decisions for us because we are afraid of uncertainty. So what am I going to do about it? I guess answer is simple just embrace the chaos. Make decisions spontaneously do not wait for